HomeHome  PortalPortal  CalendarCalendar  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  MemberlistMemberlist  UsergroupsUsergroups  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Jokes

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Jokes   Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:42 am

I made this topic so that all you comics out there in DoD land can post any and all of you're jokes, whether they be funny or not. Scratch that last, no, they have to be funny. Ah, screw it. just post some jokes.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
Naryx
Squire
avatar

Number of posts : 18
Age : 23
Location : The Apple Tree
Registration date : 2008-06-13

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jun 23, 2008 8:28 am

Unfortunately, I'm not the type to tell jokes. My friends however do clamor about this, but many of them are racist and blonde. I might as well talk about the blonde joke I guess.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are escaping from the police. They run to a barnyard. The brunette hides nearby a dog, the redhead hides around a cat, and the blonde hides within a sack of potatoes.

The police arrive. They check out the dog, and the brunette says, "Ruff! Ruff!" and etcetera. The police move on. They inspect the cat, and the redhead goes, "Meow...meow...". The police move on once more. When going past the sack of potatoes, the blonde goes, "POTATO. POTATO."

My condolences if you're offended by that joke. I don't have any really that are...age appropriate per se.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:53 am

no worries, Naryx, I'm a blonde and I find the joke hilarious, although, that's probably because I'm too stupid to take it personally. and to follow that up, another blonde joke

three friends (a blonde, a brunette and a red-head) were stranded in a desert and were on the brink of dehydration. All of the sudden, a genie appeared in front of them. "I will grant you each one wish!", said the genie. The brunette said, "I wish I were In my own private swimming pool." The brunette disappeared. The red-head said, "I wish I was back home with a tall glass of iced tea." The red-head disappeared. Finally, the genie turned to the blonde. "What will you're wish be?", asked the genie. The blonde replied, "Gee, it sure is lonely out here, I wish I had my friends back...." Shocked
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
Kilik 64
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1009
Age : 26
Registration date : 2006-10-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:31 am

I would kill her...
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.exe-fusion.netfast.org/
Naryx
Squire
avatar

Number of posts : 18
Age : 23
Location : The Apple Tree
Registration date : 2008-06-13

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jun 23, 2008 12:08 pm

Okay, that's quite the relief. Thank you. XD

Apparently there was a joke thread over at this one community I go to. So I went, what the heck, and ripped them straight off:

Quote :
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."


Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Spoiler:
 

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
View user profile
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Jun 24, 2008 4:19 am

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
kickit
Squire


Number of posts : 13
Registration date : 2008-05-27

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:50 am

my mom blonde and we make blond jokes all the time just to bug the crap out of her. here one brother told me.

ther a blonde a brunette and a red head all enterd in a olimpic swiming compition. the first event is the breast stroke. the reff blow his wistle and the race is off the first to finish is the brunette then the red head a few minuites after. a couple hours go bye and the blonde is still only about halfway, 2 more hours go buy and th blonde finally drift to the finish line. the ref asks what took you so long?
see replys i didn't know we where aloud to use are hands. get it?
Back to top Go down
View user profile
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:26 am

that's just sick...i like it
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
Kilik 64
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1009
Age : 26
Registration date : 2006-10-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:42 pm

lol...I need to find a blonde to tell these jokes to other blondes.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.exe-fusion.netfast.org/
Naryx
Squire
avatar

Number of posts : 18
Age : 23
Location : The Apple Tree
Registration date : 2008-06-13

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:14 am

I'm going at a whim and ripping another joke from the area. It's probably been used on another site beside that, after all, it's a joke...

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Kilik 64
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1009
Age : 26
Registration date : 2006-10-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:30 am

That's more sad than funny.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.exe-fusion.netfast.org/
Roy766
Adventurer
avatar

Number of posts : 64
Age : 23
Location : Behind you with a killing edge.
Registration date : 2007-11-27

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:17 am

"There were three people on an island, a blonde, a brunet, and red head. The island was fifty miles of away from the mainland, and had no transportation.

The red head swims five miles and drowns. The brunet swims ten miles and drowns.

The blonde swims twenty-fives miles, gets tired, and swims back to the island."

Used to be a blonde, before my hair turned. It's more brown than blonde now.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://nwom.freesmfhosting.com
Andrewash
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 39
Registration date : 2008-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:21 am

Two Blonds walked into a building. You think one of then might of seen it.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Andrewash
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 39
Registration date : 2008-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:21 am

that was not that funny
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Andrewash
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 39
Registration date : 2008-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:23 am

Okay this is funny: A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Andrewash
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 39
Registration date : 2008-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:26 am

More More More: Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Andrewash
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 39
Registration date : 2008-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:39 am

I am just going to post a lot: A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blond returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally... a smart blond joke.

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
desoldeben
Squire
avatar

Number of posts : 10
Age : 24
Location : Anywhere between heaven and hell
Registration date : 2008-10-02

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:45 am

I got one. Don't know if its a good one.

A lawyer was granted three wishes on a condition that every other lawyers on earth gets twice the amount of what he wishes for. Not seeing this condition as a problem, he made his wishes.

His first wish was to own a billion dallar house. As he made his wish, he got his house but all the other lawyers on earth got two billion dallar house.

His second wish was to have a several billion dallar company. As his wish was granted, all the other lawyers got two of the several billion dallar company.

The lawyer had no intention of the other lawyers benifitting whatsoever. His last wish was ... to donate one of his kidneys...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri May 08, 2009 6:54 am

Political Humor.

It was once said that when a black man would be elected president, then pigs would fly. Oddly enough, mere months after President Obama's election, swine flu.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
Kilik 64
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1009
Age : 26
Registration date : 2006-10-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat May 09, 2009 10:19 am

Ouch. >_>
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.exe-fusion.netfast.org/
Andrewash
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 39
Registration date : 2008-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:41 am

darkflamethrower wrote:
Political Humor.

It was once said that when a black man would be elected president, then pigs would fly. Oddly enough, mere months after President Obama's election, swine flu.

I created this joke.... Rolling Eyes
Back to top Go down
View user profile
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:49 pm

great minds think alike, my friend Wink
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
Kilik 64
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 1009
Age : 26
Registration date : 2006-10-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:24 am

That's actually quite hilarious.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.exe-fusion.netfast.org/
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:28 pm

ok, I recently saw the movie "Gran Torino" , and I gotta say, Clint Eastwood was pretty badass. this is a line from the movie where he's drinkin at a bar with some guys exchanging humor. If you haven't seen the movie yet, look it up.

Eastwood: I got one. A Mexican, a Jew and a
colored guy walk into a bar, the
bartender looks up at them and
says -- ‘get the f*** out.’
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
darkflamethrower
Apprentice
avatar

Number of posts : 36
Age : 25
Location : Saint Paul, MN
Registration date : 2008-06-01

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jul 15, 2009 2:06 pm

Back to top Go down
View user profile http://mischkemadness.com
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Jokes   

Back to top Go down
 
Jokes
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Roland's Jokes
» Chess jokes
» Wow jokes by: Jub2
» Spy Cam
» A Commerce Student

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: Chat Central :: General Discussion-
Jump to: